“Knowing
that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for
growing into the healthiest of people.”
“There is no
normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems
that can be the impetus for our growth.”
***********************************************
It’s been said there are no accidents in
life, there are only divine coincidences. Is it a coincidence that I was asked
to speak during this Lenten season about In My Family we…? Lent, a time for
reflection, prayer, penance, and doing good things.
We grew up approximately 9 miles from
Cambridge in the town of Arlington. In my family (3 brothers and one sister and
parents) we went to church together, ate dinner together, were taught that it’s
better to give than receive, and that there is always someone worse off than we
are. We lived and learned a modest life, with no discussions of college for any
of us. My mother made the girls clothes which were often matching, although we
aren’t twins, and hand-me-downs were acceptable wear. I attended parochial
school and spent some of my “formative” years there. I was taught by nuns and these
women led a life of devotion to God, but what was their real reason for
becoming a nun?
In my family we were told about the many
people who had less, who were starving, and often were told during a meal that
we didn’t like, “there are children starving in Biafra”. As children we didn’t know where Biafra was
but would have been happy to send an unwanted meal there!
I moved out when I was 21, thinking I knew
what was best. This was a time of discovery for me. I never felt that I
belonged, I felt different. I didn’t know what it was about me, but knew I was
different. I was taunted in high school with “are you a boy, or a girl?” I knew I wasn’t interested in men, but didn’t
know there was any choice in life, so thought I’d become a nun. In my family we
didn’t talk about people having choices in life style, or who you married. In
my family we don’t handle communications well, we don’t argue, we just don’t
talk about a lot of things.
It was somewhere around 1973 that I realized
that I was gay and that it was ok to be different. I discovered who I am,
although it was a huge learning curve, and it certainly wasn’t an acceptable
lifestyle, it was/is who I am. In my family we didn’t talk about it.
I began my career at MIT in October of 1984. One
day I was crossing Mass. Ave. I was joined by a woman who held a position of
authority here, who said to me “Cheryl, there are some people here who have a
hard time with you being so openly gay.” I was not only taken-aback but
responded with “and these same people probably have a hard time with you being
black but they can’t say anything”. She
too was shocked but it opened a friendship and respect for our differences. I
was created this way, it’s not a choice. As the saying goes: I’m not afraid of
dying, I’m afraid of not living life.
In my family we were taught core family
values of respect, giving, helpfulness, and looking after others. My siblings
were raising families and I am “single” in their eyes. I felt it was important
for me to move back to Arlington to be close to my aging parents. I felt it was
the responsible thing to do, as the eldest daughter and the only sibling with
no children. It has been a good thing in my life.
I seldome go to the Catholic church any more.
I believe it is much more important to be true to yourself every day. To
practice random acts of kindness that little acts of kindness can add up to a
lifetime of happiness.
In my family we learned to love.
Sgt. Cheryl Vossmer, MIT Police
" To laugh often and much; to win
the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the
appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little
better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social
condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is the meaning of success."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
