Morrie Schwartz was a Sociology Professor at Brandeis University
who was diagnosed with ALS in the 1990’s.
He did a host of interviews about life, dying and other fascinating
topics. Many were published in the book,
Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man and Life’s Greatest Lesson
by Mitch Albom. I thought it quite
applicable to use excerpts from one of Morrie’s “Tuesdays” interviews, i.e.,
“The Power of Saying Hello,” in my “Tuesdays in the Chapel” presentation. The entire article can be found at torah.org,
@1995-2007, Project Genesis, Inc.
Reading #1: Excerpt
The Power of Saying Hello
Truly noticing others is fundamental to
their self-worth
" ...We all need
recognition. We need to feel that we matter. This doesn't mean that we should
be running for glory and honor, but every human being has a basic and natural
desire to be acknowledged as significant.
And we can give some of this
significance to others simply by greeting them properly. We may not put much
thought into how and when we say hello to someone, and we should ponder it more
deeply.
The first thing to realize, which we
certainly don't always think about, is that when we greet people with a 'good
morning', we are actually giving them a blessing. We are telling them that we
hope they will have a good morning. This is why, if you ever meet a grumpy
person who responds to your 'good morning,' with a line such as, 'Who said it
was good?', the response, besides being rude, is actually inaccurate. We are
not defining the morning by saying 'good morning' rather, we are offering a
blessing that it should be a good morning.
All greetings are meant in this way.
The classical 'shalom aleichem' means literally that 'peace should be upon
you', an excellent blessing which we always need…
The explanation would appear to be that
when we see a fellow human being, we are obliged to acknowledge his value and
importance. ...But even in the greeting, you display your respect for the
person even more when you offer him a blessing that he should succeed, that
things should go well, that he should have a 'good morning.'
And the way in which we greet someone
is also important. ...We are not supposed to give someone a quick hello;
rather, we should give them eye contact, thought, and genuine loving
attention.
Morrie Schwartz did this:
"I came to love the way Morrie lit
up when I entered the room. He did this for many people, I know, but it was his
special talent to make each visitor feel that the smile was unique. . .And it
didn't stop with the greeting. When Morrie was with you, he was really with
you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only
person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first
encounter each day were like this—instead of a grumble from a waitress, or a
bus driver, or a boss?
'I believe in fully present,' Morrie
said. 'That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking
to you now, Mitch, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us. I
am not thinking about something we said last week. I'm not thinking of what's
coming up this Friday….I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."
(Pages 135-136)…"
“You’re not from around here, are you?” or “Do
I KNOW you?” I have gotten such
responses a lot during my almost 18 years in Massachusetts. My friends warned me against moving to
Massachusetts. They said that people
here have a reputation for being unfriendly and typically ignore each
other. I chuckled in disbelief and
accepted the job at MIT anyway. Much to
my surprise and disappointment, my friends were right! But not about everybody in Massachusetts, and
certainly not about most of the residents being unfriendly. Over time, I learned that I just needed to first
find a way to get their attention to open the channels of communication.
Even as recently as last month, I
was walking down Mass. Ave. with my colleague, Kate. We passed by a middle-aged gentleman walking
in the opposite direction. In my usual
fashion, I looked him in the eyes as we approached him, smiled, and said: “Hi!
How are you doing?” I obviously shocked
him because he continued to walk past us, then stopped in his tracks about 20
feet away, turned around and asked: “You’re not from around here, are
you?” Kate and I looked at each other
and laughed as we exchanged a few friendly words with the man. I asked him something like: “Why would you
ask me something like that?” He
responded with something to the effect that: “People here do not greet each
other; they typically act like they don’t even see you.” We agreed that was a shame, said goodbye, and
continued on our respective journeys. I
could see that my simple greeting brought a little bit of joy to this
stranger’s day, as it did to mine, and likely to Kate’s as well.
Although I get the question: “You’re
not from around here, are you?” framed in a positive way a little more often
these days, I am at a loss as to why this is so challenging for some
people. After all, I am only trying to
acknowledge a fellow human being. I
believe that one never knows how a simple, warm greeting can impact another
person’s day; or sometimes, their entire life!
I know that my day always gets a bit better when someone returns one of
my greetings with a kind nod, a warm smile, or a pleasantly surprised
look. Their eyes light up. It is a great feeling. Better yet, I am elated when a stranger
greets me first, which is not too often.
Not to worry, I shall continue to greet people in an effort to make “my”
day, even if I don’t make “their” day with my simple greetings.
I have greeted strangers in and
around MIT since I came here in 1998. I
am happy to report that many of those “strangers” are now valued colleagues and
alumni whom I highly respect and whom I hope respect me. People have taught me lessons as well. For example, a wonderful student, who has
long since graduated, raised my awareness (actually, my lack thereof), of the
effect of my simple greetings on others.
One day I greeted her as I rushed past her in the hallway with my usual: “Hi!
How are you doing?” She responded
by asking me why I never stopped to allow her to tell me how she was
doing. It never occurred to me that my
choice of words might be interpreted as an invitation to stop and share what
was going on in an individual’s life. I
learned a great lesson that day, i.e., people need not only recognition through
greetings, they sometimes need a little companionship. I try to never pass up such opportunities anymore.
In closing, simple, warm greetings
can make people realize that they are not alone in this vast universe; that
they can see beyond the tiny screens on their iPhones, hear beyond the sounds
coming from their huge headsets, and hopefully notice that they are being and
deserve to be acknowledged as members of our special community – namely the
human race. As Morrie Schwartz said:
Reading #2: Excerpt
“...We can all be a little more
sensitive to other people's needs—especially their need for recognition and
companionship. This is how we help them realize their tremendous value as human
beings."
Thank you.
Toni P. Robinson, Ombudsperson, Office of the President
